The Right BBQ Tools for the Job

At its heart your average barbecue is a little slice of volcano intent on spitting lots of little hot bits in your specific direction and producing homing smoke that seems to follow you no matter where you stand. It has been rumored that the American missile defense programme has at its heart small wisps of barbecue smoke installed in the head of each anti-missile missile.

Although a relatively ineffective deterrent against an air to ground missile, protection against the hostile actions of your barbecue can be achieved by the strategic deployment of a surface to surface barbecue fork. This essential element of garden ordinance can be supported by the stealth spatula and Kevlar substitute body armour (cotton apron and gloves).

By creating 'safe areas' on garden furniture some distance from the theatre of operations you can ensure that civilian BBQ casualties are kept to a minimum. These areas can then become the focus of your supply drops for food and drink.

There's also an element of style to be considered here. Next time you're standing at the barbecue, take a glance at your reflection in the window. Is the image one of competence and panache or something dredged from the kitchen of a Soviet Gulag or Dudley secondary school. There's a certain indefinable something that creates a visual culinary image, a feeling of competence, professionalism and not dropping the burgers through the grill.

'The right tools for the right job', my father said, or would have had he been any good at DIY. You can insert your hand into Dante's Inferno on the end of a cutlery fork and you may be lucky and turn or retrieve the item of food but it's a lot easier to do it on the end of a 12" BBQ fork.

There are plenty of 'tools for the job' to choose from ranging from BBQ forks and spatulas to custom designed burger baskets. They make the whole barbecue experience that little bit easier and don't cost the earth.